The Curmudgeon Chronicle -#204

THE CURMUDGEON CHRONICLE ©

AN IRREVERENT VIEW


Time Line: February 1, 2007
Date Line: Flemington New Jersey

Tomorrow is Groundhog Day. A regular reader of the Chronicle knows this is our Holiday of choice. It requires no special paraphernalia; no special foods are needed to commemorate it; if you don’t believe in groundhogs you are not spurned by other citizens, and the Day recognizes that a spirited band of citizens in a mundane community can make a hullabaloo out of nothing.

Up to 30,000 people will come to Punxatawny PA tomorrow to see if a rusty-furred rodent wakes up and goes shopping, or says, “to Hell with it” and goes back to sleep. It takes place at Gobbler’s Knob in the city limits of Punxatawny. There, a captive groundhog is put into a hollowed out tree stump fitted with a door, (but not bathroom or kitchen facilities), and left inside for 24 hours. At 5:00 AM on February 2nd a person intent on making a fool of himself, raps on the door and speaks to the groundhog, (according to Bill Cooper, president of the Groundhog Club), in “groundhogese”.

This year, Mr. Cooper like all the men who have preceded him, will rap on the door of the tree stump, remove the groundhog and ask him to forecast the weather for the coming year. Cooper says that a combination of grunts, squeaks, and body language will be employed in the discussion. We hope he will wear steel reinforced gloves too, since groundhogs do not take kindly to being wakened before dawn in cold weather.

In making his forecast the groundhog will be as accurate as any modern meteorologist. However, instead of technology he will use only his nose and left paw. By assuming the role of prognosticator a groundhog automatically has his name changed to Phil.

As to how Mr. Cooper knows what Phil is saying, the secret is passed down from club President to club President and never disclosed. Just like classified information at our own White House.

When asked why the ceremony takes place at all, Bill Cooper replied that Western Pennsylvania is no picnic ground in the winter and local folk will take any excuse to get out of their homes and see other people. For the past 113 years Punxatawny residents have done that on February 2nd and Phil has been a convenient excuse. That does not say a whole lot for the inventiveness of the original residents of Punxatawny or their descendants.

Don’t you think that during the past 113 years someone would have said, “Hey Guys, why don’t we move someplace warmer? Maybe even a place that is not infested by rust colored rodents?”

That kind of thinking fathered the population of North America when chilled people walked the land bridge to our continent to escape the glaciers. There is no accounting for tastes and lack of imagination.

Perhaps their Groundhog Totem has sapped the energy and will of Puxatawnians, turning them into classic examples of the Realtor’s credo: “Timid people live in unfashionable neighborhoods.”

Here at the Chronicle we will celebrate Groundhog Day in our usual fashion. At 5:00 AM if we happen to be wakened, we will pull the covers over our heads and go back to sleep till spring.

HS