The Curmudgeon Chronicle -#202

THE CURMUDGEON CHRONICLE ©

AN IRREVERENT VIEW


Time Line: January 23, 2007
Date Line: Flemington New Jersey

With Valentine’s Day coming up next month we recall a song from “Guys and Dolls” that says:

“Call it sad, call it funny
But it’s better than even money
That the Guy’s only doing it
For some Doll…..”

The song says that the Guy is paying rent on a flat that looks like the Taj Mahal; spending his loot foolishly because of love, when he could be using it wisely to play the horses or in a crap game. The lyricist has an unassailable position, yet I wonder why there is no song that tells a similar story about a Doll and her beloved?

I know such things happen. The National Enquirer and Cable TV tell me they do. I learn from them that a Doll’s bread is at risk in a divorce from a Guy who has none. I also learn that there are Dolls prepared to keep a winsome lad in a style to which anyone would like to become accustomed. I have no firsthand knowledge of those circumstances, being neither winsome nor a lad: but wouldn’t it be grand?

Which bring us to St. Valentine’s Day. The Chronicle has written about Valentine in the past and now that we have this website we may post our prior comments on the Day, the Saint and the obligatory messages from Hallmark. However, this year we thought we should do something a bit different and special for the Saint. In his memory we should all attempt to restore dignity to love with a capital “L”.

Therefore this year The Chronicle urges the end to reporting “celebrity” romances.

Does it matter a single farfel if Ms. P. Hilton or Ms. B Spears is wed or not? Does it matter what they do in or out of bed and with whom? Do you care if people who are intellectually challenged leave each other because they thought marriage forever was a two week gig (like a long-term contract with a record company)?

Shakespeare did a lot with thin materials in Romeo and Juliet’s case, but even the Bard couldn’t make the current crop of plastic icons believable, let alone exciting. We suggest special St. Valentine’s Day treatment for the results of “amorous” doings of such people.

All celebrity engagements, pregnancies, affairs, marriages, breakups or reconciliations are hereafter to be banished from print and broadcast news coverage, and from supermarket periodicals. Anyone caught reading about such present or past shenanigans or liaisons will be sentenced (depending on gender) to a week of living with a Rosie O’Donnell or Donald Trump look and sound-alike. Repeat offenders will be incarcerated in a third rate Romance Novel for life.

While the Chronicle takes no firm position on the existence of religious icons like St. Valentine, we are in favor of love (both sacred and profane) and trust that our readers will enjoy lives filled with both.

A very happy upcoming St. Valentine’s Day to all of you from all of us at the Chronicle.

HS