THE CURMUDGEON CHRONICLE - SUPPLEMENT

THE CURMUDGEON CHRONICLE ©

AN IRREVERENT VIEW


Time Line: April 12, 2008
Date Line: Flemington New Jersey

So Long, (and thanks for your support)

Assuming you could anthropomorphize into an automobile, what would you be? I have always been a “six wheel” Packard, (the extra two wheels mounted in the front fenders), painted a deep a midnight blue. There are people who are suited to be Ferraris, and Aston Martins, but not Mrs. Stamer’s son Howard.

Not for me are the turbo charged whines of flashier vehicles; I prefer the powerful beat of the Packard “straight eight” engine. Turn the key to the start position and three gallons of gasoline gurgle down a four inch pipe; the plugs fire, and the dinosaur comes to life. I never owned a Packard myself, but when my son George was old enough to get a license, I bought him a 1948(?) Packard.

That Packard was well past the last blush of youth. We found it in a barn in Greene County NY; it cost $200 and included such essential spare parts as two extra fenders, and bits and pieces ranging from hub caps to engine parts. Alas, even in the days of sixty cent gasoline, it was too difficult to keep,

I am thinking about that car because it needed replacement parts due to age, wear and tear, and some neglect on the part of its owners over the years; much like my right hip. Humans are well engineered but we suffer from wear and tear, ageing, and we usually neglect some aspects of body maintenance.

I have had these particular bones for almost seventy-nine years now, and I must say they have served me fairly well. They were good enough to carry my weight; turn during a golf swing; walk back and forth as I rocked my kids to sleep, and do thousands of things that I took for granted. They just wore out with age and use.

On the 23rd of this month they will be replaced with metal and plastic and I shall become, (at least partly), bionic. I am told that I will be free of aches again and will be able to play golf and walk without pain. I hope that is true but I want my old joint to know that I appreciate the service it gave me over the years.

Unfortunately, like George’s old Packard it is just too difficult to keep.

Howard Stamer