THE CURMUDGEON CHRONICLE - #295

THE CURMUDGEON CHRONICLE ©

AN IRREVERENT VIEW


Time Line: January 30, 2011
Date Line: Chicago IL

At a time when madmen shoot at our congressmen, with people unable to get work, and the Middle East erupting in flames, it comforting to recall radio icon, Gertrude Berg.

In the guise of Molly Goldberg, Bronx housewife, she considered the
War; the Depression, and shortages of food here and among our allies. She won our loyalty for ever when she asked “When I think of the problems in the world, I wonder if it is really a terrible sin not to brush after every meal?”

I am morally certain that if we did not have Madison Avenue to invent such sins and remind us of them with fervor that belies the silliness of the warnings, we’d probably be less able to cope with the ills that surround us. In that spirit, Madison Avenue and Main Street combine to provide us with my favorite Holiday, a day that goes a long way to point up the need for adults to ease off and lighten up.

Yes kids, Groundhog Day is only three days away as I write this.
There is no need to rewrite the past Chronicles that extol the virtues of a holiday you do not spend in the arms of your loved one, or dine with the family. There is no need to repeat how jaded you can get watching Bill Murray relive the day to atone for his nasty demeanor. It is of minor importance to fill this Chronicle with enough language to let the readers know that I am feeling enough like myself again to pick up my pen.

(In truth I pick up a mouse, not a pen, a circumstance that augers well for rodents and poorly for Mont Blanc.)

Moving to the Mid-West has taught me that no rodent is sacred. I used to believe that the Pennsylvania Dutch of Punxatawny had the only true weather rodent. Not so.

Grown-up people in Illinois, Wisconsin, Hawaii and points east west north and south in the United States all lay claim to weather forecasting, overweight, snaggle toothed chipmunks. This February 2nd is one that could use a bit of weather help. Snow fell in Valencia California on the 3rd of January; snow also fell in Florida and perhaps, (with an assist from Tin Pan Alley), Stars Fell On Alabama.

If those groundhogs would like to earn their keep, they will predict that the winter will end on schedule, not last for an additional six weeks. I hope that happens. If the weather pattern stays as it is, we can expect summer to arrive in mid-August. An extra six weeks will take us right back to Fall without giving Madison Avenue the opportunity to sell sun tan lotion.

As I put an end to this piece my television set remind me of the need for “regularity” and offering a panacea, guaranteed and FDA approved. I felt better about advertizing in my youth: my bodily functions were not discussed on the air and I could get a decoder ring for box tops.

Howard Stamer


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